Mr Jelly's Wild Night
by thegeekylatina
Summary: Aka How Jelly got shot in the arse. Jelly thought his life could not get any more exciting since the end of the whole ordeal with the missing nazi's head...well he thought. T for mild sexuality and language.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Set after Series 2.**

* * *

><p>"Is the juice worth the squeeze?" Jelly thought of that phrase as he laid there, in the hospital bed. His head buried in the pillow and his bums up in the air.<p>

Even in the mist of the sounds of a busy night, he could hear the nurses giggling behind him. Soft laughter coming from the girls mouth as they stared at his bare cheeks. Thank god his make up could not reveal the blush on his face, maybe the nurses could have seen it when the doctor enter the room and called his name. Wrong.

"Mr. Jolly?" He asked.

" It's Jelly!" he yelled angry. But then flinch onf the pain that was focused on his left cheek. " Mr. Jelly. I just wanted to know what happened to you, before whe make the procedure to remove the...". " I GOT SHOT N THE ARSE! that's what happened!" he yelled in pain. " Please, doctor, please, just take it." he growled. " Calm down, Mr. Jelly. Well do the prucedure after you tell me what happened".

" I don't remember. Doctor, please."

" You Don't remember?"

" No. It's all blurry up there. Must be the paiiiiiiiiinnnnn!" He tried to relax, but the pain was deep.

Jelly actually remembered everything that happened. But how can you tell it , so the story may sound less horrible than it is?. Jelly thought of this as the doctor reluctanly accepted to perfome the extration. He was taken to another room, where they put local anestesia and start the procedure.

The again, the phrase came up in his mind " was the juice worth the squeeze?". He shoke his head , trying to forget it and try to make an alibi that sounded less than shameful and disturbing.

**10 hours earlier...**

It had been a hard day.

Showed up to a party listed to Jolly and tried as hard as he could to make it interesting. It got mixed results. The parents weren't satisfied but the kids didn't care. They like it, they were too stupid to got all of the double entender jokes he said as he stared to one of the moms breast. Bad luck his husband was there.

Oh, well... It was time to unload himself from the Jelly mobile, as the car stop in his driveway. He felt tired, probably for so much of the smoking.

Or maybe he was just getting to old for this job.

No, definitly was the smoking. He would die in his clown shoes before he could stop. Has he pull off the hand from the staring wheel and put it back into his stump, he look at the car pulling up at the house in front. A bloody "Mommy" van, tacky purple painting job and as expected, a crowd of tiny screaming little girls. They came out as fish trying to get out a net. Almost desparate for getting in the house and turn on the telly for some stupid disney show, like Nanna Shanana or something like that...

He close the car door as he thought this, just to his luck, notice the biggest most beautiful spectacle in the face of the bloody heart in his point of view. "Oh, Goddess...I' mean God!" he mumbled at the sight. The looooong fair legs of the nymph came first, shining at the dim sun as diamonds, the body of this...mmmm...bird, was ripe as an apple with very nice...assets. The face of an angel and the locks of pure solid gold. Jelly hasn't been this poetic since his poem about his willy when he was seven. That was a really good one. Don't know why Mr. Shubert got so upset. Jelly shruged at this tought.

She shoke at the view of this gorgeous...ok, he was out of ammo...girl, looking straight at him. He tried to make a very cool indefferent look, but it just came out creepy as it seemed, becuase the girl just raised her eyebrows in a litttle fraighten look. He tried to fix it, with a smile and waving his hand to say hello, but then he got a more shocked reaction from the lovely bird. He didn't understand the opening of her mouth in horror, until he realize he had got his fake hand stuck in the car door, so he was waving at her with...well, nothing." Fucking Hell..." he said, trying to fix things and getting his hand out, but the older women, came out to pick some bags out of the van, then the girl just turned around and follow her.

Jelly was rusty at moves, " Why it has to be like this?" he said to himself, as profoundly embarrassed walk, with his head down, to open the door to his house. " This could not get any worse!" he thought.

Oh, yes, it could...


	2. Chapter 2

Jelly cough hard and put off his 30th fag. He laid in his sofa and turn on the telly.

Nothing good to watch.

He then, take one of his " Gentlemen type" dvd and put him on his dvd player. " Busty Asian Beauties", read on the cover. He smiled and pressed play. A few moments in this "refined" art movie and Jelly was enjoying himself, with some candies he got from the previous party and his pants undone. But even then, in front of a delightfull distraction, he tought in how much he embarrased himself with the bird that live in the house on front onf his.

" I might just got in my house, before doing that stupid thing" he thought. He grin, a bit depressed and put a candy on his mouth. The sound onf the dvd was loud, but he didn't care. " I don't give a damn if the neigboors don't like it. We are grown ups, they had to understad a man has needs and mine include watching porn at midnight with the speakers at maximun level". He nodded while he said this to himself. But then...

" RIIIIIIIIINGGG". The doorbell.

" Bloody Hell..." he growled trying to get up. He didn't turn off the dvd, he just didn't give a damn about the other people.

A slighly traumatize older woman stand in front of him, in the middle of asian lady shouting and moaning. She seemed confused at her sight. A clown...porn..." Are his pants unbottoned?"

" Excuse me, Mr..."

" Jelly" he sigh...Well at least this bitch didn't called me Jolly.

It was the lady of the house in front.

"Excuse me Mr. jelly. I'm Mirian Horn from the house on front. I just wanted to asked you if you could turn the volume of your tv down".

" Why?" Jelly asked, faking a smile.

The lady kinda blush and her eyes opened up wide. "Why...well, you know why."

Jelly shoked his head as the women tried to not to refer to the sexy music playing in the background.

" Please. Mr...".

" Yes?".

" Could you low the volume down?".

" No" he said, with a jerk attitude.

" No? But...Why?" The woman seemed confussed and starting to get pissed off.

" My house, my volume" he said bluntly.

The woman looked at him, inside her head desperate thoughts to shut the damn porn down before her daughter realized what a brown kiss was.

" Fine! She said. " My daughter's birthday is tomorrow. Low you volume and you have the gig" She crossed her arms.

" Really" Jelly grined amused.

" I'll pay you double you fee, if you could...please".

Jelly Nodded " Alright, Mrs...?".

" Horn. I told you before!".

" Misses Horn. I'll be there...when?" Jelly asked. He lived out front, but he had to know the time of the kid's party.

" At 8:00 pm" she said, in a hurry to Jelly to shut the sound off.

Jelly found that strange " Isn't eight o clock a little bit late for a kids party?".

" Are you in or are you out?" the woman said, insisting on their deal.

" I'm in, i'm in. Okay, I'll turn the dvd off". He said nodding. The woman smiled and turned to her house, walking.

Jelly close his door, smiling with a sudden cheery attitude " I got a gig!" he said to himself, padding his own back.

...

Jelly close the door of his house and stared across the street. he had his bag of tricks and he was groomed. Maybe the pretty gal was going to be there. Maybe he could get her to like him if he pulled a good show in her little sister party. Before getting across the street, he realize the other cars parked in the sideway. Probably the other kids parents decided to stay. Wasn't unusual. He walked to the house as the party music playing inside the house could be here from outside.

Modern pop. Cool stuff.

He stepped in front of the door and ring the doorbell.

One of the little girls he saw, opened the door. She was dressing causallly, not like someone who had a birthday. Usuallly girls that age liked to dress in princess costumes or other crap like that. The look on that kid's face was of pure HORROR. Her eyes were like big dishes. The girl just stared at him.

" Hello" he said.

In that instant the girl open her mouth and let go of the most horrible scream a man could stand. He stepped back in the confusion and scaryness of the situation. "What the fucking Hell?...".

The girl just turned around and run upstairs. In that moment the precious pixie walk in, obviously because of the screams. She was dressed in this short red dress, With a short necklace. He looked at her. She looked pretty, but crealy something was off with the situation.

" What the hell is he doing here?" the girl yelled towards another room.

" Sorry gal , but I think your sister got a little scared", he said entering the hall. He was going to pull this gig anyway he could. For the money and the girly. the girl look at him a bit nagry and dissapointed of his prescence.

" Mom!" She yelled.

The older woman appear from the kitchen. " Oh, Mr. Jelly, hello!". Jelly got close to her, " What is happening?" he asked " The little girl just got scared of me!".

" Well..." the women said.

The pretty older girl put her hands on her hips and looked at her mother with an agry look " I also want to know what is happening here", she cut her speech.

" Well, honey. I got you an enterteiner!" The women said to her duaghter and try to introduce her to him. Jelly was confused and started to think the worse. The girl was furious. " Mr. Jelly, this is Sheila, my daughter. You are going to be perfoming for her".

"WHAT?" both of them said frowning.

" Oh, no! Mother. I'm all grown up now. I don't need more clowns at my parties" The girl had a fit.

" I think this is wrong. I cannot perfom an adult party! Well I can, but I got the wrong bag, you know. I brought my princess party items! I got to go back and search for my adult party stuff" jelly said , pointing at his bag of tricks.

" Oh, no. that would not be neccesary!" the woman said, laughing.

" Mom, you know I don't want clowns at my parties no more!" the girl grabbed her mother by the arm. the woman looked at her angry " Sheila, dear. You loved Clowns back when we lived in Hadfield! What's wrong with you?".

" MOM! That was THREE years ago!" The girl yelled. Jelly just watch them. Okay...

Another girl walk in the hallway. She was shorter and looked ...younger?

" Sheila, What's wrong?", the other girl said to the sexy gal.

" My mother brought a clown to my party! It's all spoiled now. It's so uncool!" the girl said, crossing her arms. The other girl stared at Jelly and grin, amused at this pathetic man.

Jelly was confused at the sight. he lloed at the other girl, then looked at the mother who seemed okay and calm an then at the pretty sexy girl, who stared at him with offended for the very act of being there.

" Shall we begin?" the woman said.

"No!" the girl yell " Sheila!" the woman yelled back "You go and sit on the sofa and turn off the music. Your little friends will love it!"

"No they wont! We are not children anymore!" the girl yelled pointing at the living room. Jelly peeked at it.

Bunch of younger kids. This was getting weirder and weirder.

"Yes you are!" the woman said, pissed.

Then, Jelly stepped back, realizing this was sorta fucked up. "Wait, hang on!" he said.

He looked at the girl and with his eyes wide, in the fear of a horrible answer, he asked.

" How OLD are you, bird?"

The girl looked at him " I'm thirteen, you stupid clown! I'm not a kid!"

Jelly opened his mouth and looked away.

OH. MY .GOD!

SHE'S 13! MY PRETTY PIXIE IS 13!

He felt he was about to suffocate. He had been lusting all day for a KID! he had bath twice, cleaned his costume and shine his shoes, for a child.

" So" the mother said, trying to smiled at him . "Ready to start?"

He looked at her, he could not say a word, his brain seemed to stop working.

This could not get worse!

It could...


	3. Chapter 3

The stairs were so uncomfortable. Jelly sat there, watching the party develope. The whole gig was a disaster. Not only he made a fool of himself in front of those kids, that looked at him like he was a kind of creep or monster, his precious pixie interruped him in the middle and kicked him out of the room. Her face was red of embarrasement while she pushed him to the hall. He could not believe the horror he felt in that moment. Now, there he was , sitting on the stairs waiting fror the mother, who thankfully didn't like her daughter's attitude and was yelling at her in the kitchen.

The pretty girl rush out if the room and came back to the living room. She looked so pissed. Why was she the one pissed? He had been the one throwned off the goddamn party. The lady walk to him and said " I'm so sorry Mr. Jolly".

" Jelly!" he looked at her annoyed.

" Right! Sorry" she nodded. " im sorry for inconvenience. But you will get paid anyway".

" Fine" Jelly growled.

" Before you go, would you like to serve yourself some biscuits or something to drink. Is my way to say sorry".

Jelly turned his head to the kitchen. A bunch of middle aged women waited there, drinking wine and eating chips. He looked at her and nodded. Well, at least he could get drunk and try to forget all this. " Can I smoke" he asked. The woman nodded smiling " But please do it in the garden. " Right" he said. A couple of beers, some cigs and he could make this evening more pleasent before he went home, with his tale between his legs, defeated.

...

The Kitchen was quite nice, he thought looking at it throught the glass doors. Jelly staned in the back garden, smoking one fag after another. He sigh at the events of the evening. Well, worse things ahd happened to him. Mr. Wren was still in her retirement home. He thought of visiting her to keeps himself enterteined for the next weekend , he had no gigs. He hold the fag with his hook while with the other he was hoding his bottle. He finished the fag and putt it off in the dirt, stepping on some flowers.

Then suddenly he heard a voice next to him " Hey". He looked to his right and out of the dark came...the pretty pixie girl " Oh, not you!" he said looking away " What do you want from me? Do you want to embarrased me in front of your friends again. Missing a good laugh?" he growled like a angry dog. The girl blushd and smiled trying to hide behind him so her mother wouldn't know she was not with her friends " Hey, pass me a fag" she said, trying to get one of his pocket " No!" he moved " You are a kid!" he yelled.

"Shhhh" she said moving behind him again. He added " Besides, you were rude back in there! So no!".

" Come on, mate" she muttered " I'm sorry for the show I made back there! Is just me mum doesn't get that I'm all grown up and that".

" You are not!" he said to her. Christ, he thought, she does look pretty with the light all dim and...CONCENTRATE!

" Yeah, I am!" she said " And I want a fag. I smoke a lot, you know, with my mates behind the bathrooms, Give me one pleeeease!".

" No" he said with his authority figure voice, wich he didn't use very often.

" At least give me a sip!" she said trying to take his bottle of beer.

" No!" he said moving his hand.

" If you don't give me that bottle . I tell me mum you fiddle with me".

" You wha?" he said, indignated.

" That's right" she said " I'll say you touched me" she said with a big smile. The smile of a she-devil, he tought.

" Fine" he said, giving her the bottle. " There goes my dignity" he muttered to himself.

" Wha?" she said while drinking. " Nothing, rude" he said back.

After she had finished with the first one, she send him for another. He, with a " I'm being blackmailed by a child" pout, snached one from the kitchen table, so nobody would see him.

The bottle was empty mere seconds later.

Wow, the bird just swallow it, he thought. I wonder how she can stand that amount of... "Oh god!" she moaned before he could finish that thought. " I think I'm gonna be sick!".

" Shit!" he said as the girl try to bend to throw up on the flowers.

He didn't knew waht to do. He heard the girl's mother calling her inside the house. He quickly took the decision to take her inside, to the bathroom, where no one could have seen them.

...

The bathroom was a man's worst nightmare. All covered in flowers and pink. The dad had to be a real fool to let the women decorate the whole thing.

There he help the girl to throw up in the toilet. He padded her back as she realezed chuncks of sick.

He thought for a moment on being sick himself.

After the ordeal, he help the girl watch her face and mouth and he sat with her on the tub, until he felt she was alright and time to go.

She , then start sobbing. " Oh, what now?" he whined.

" My mum doesn't understand me!" she sobbed " I want to act like a big girl, but she doesn't let me!"

" You mum is a nice lady" he said rubbing her shoulder " You are the one that acts like a twat" he pointed.

She start crying " I know!" she said. " I'm sorry, I really am" she said tying to hug him.

He pushed her away. The smell of sick was not gone yet. Maybe it got a little on her dress, he thought.

" You have to stop being rude to adults" he said. Wow, he thought then, he had to be the grown up for once.

" I know" she said, drying her tears " Sorry I said those awful things".

" The one about you telling I touch you if I didn..." she nodded " It was rude I know" she said.

He groaned " It's fine. I won't tell your mum".

She smiled at him. He smiled back.

Even knowing she was so young, she looked very pretty. She was going to be a knock-out when she grow up, this kid. The she said something tottaly wrong. " You're quite fit, really...you seemed to , under all that make up" she said.

He smiled, even he thought that was not right " thanks?" he said frowing.

Then he felt somethin in his leg. It was her hand!

" What are you doing?" he said taking her hand away. Suddenly the pixie leaned foward and give him a sloopy kiss. He pushed her away again. She now had make up all over her chin and mouth. " You can't do that! You're twelve!" he said jumping away from her. " Thirteen!" she yelled.

" Shhhh!" he said " I cannot let you do that, you are a kid".

" I'm not" she sid, putting her fist on to the sides of her waist. " Yes you are!" he said desperatly.

She stood up and got closer. He presses his body against the wall and tried to find the door handle, when suddlely the girl turn the lights off. " Why did you do THAT!" he yelled shocked. He heard the girl giggling drunk. he stumbled with something trying to find his way out. " Bloody hell" he screamed.

He felt something crawling his pants. The he heard in the middle of the dark " Can I touch your willie?"

" What? NO!" he yelled. He felt the small hands getting closer and closer to the target. He moved his hands around trying to pushed the girl, when he suddenly hear the door opening.

The door opened and A big dark figure turn of the lights.

It was the pixie's FATHER. A tall, fat guy with a obvious wig on his head.

The man frowned when he saw Jelly against the wall, with her daughter, down right DRUNK, covered in clown make up, with her hand on his ... and Jelly hadn't been very right on target when trying to push the girl away in the dark, as he realized he was pushing her right breast. "God!" he said taking her hand off her.

" WHAT' S GOING IN HERE!" The big, scary man yelled at him.

" Is not what it looks like!" Jelly just got to say, before suddenly, pushing the man away and running like he never did before out of that house.

He didn't remeber how he got out of there, but he had. He runned and runned with his big clown shoes, as fast as possible, while hearing the roaring screams of the man, until he felt the BANG!

He screamed as the pain got settle in her cheek, but damn he wasn't going to stop. Better bleed to death that being mowled by that gorilla . That's how he got to the hospital .

...

" So you didn't touch her." The doctor said.

" No!" Jelly yelled, frowing " I didn't! he thought I did, but I didn't, I swear!".

" Fine" the doctor nodded and wrote in his pad. " I'l just go and bring you some pain medication".

" Right" Jelly said, standing there, getting dressed.

He saw the doctor go out.

He sigh and thought on what he was going to do when he arrived back home.

Maybe the man could have cool down. Maybe the girl told him the true. Or maybe he was going to be outside waiting for him, with his gun...several other people with pitchforks and burning sticks.

He then heard some one talking outside his room. He peeked and saw the doctor with two police men.

" Oh, Shit!" he muttered scared.

The doctor pointed in his direction.

He had to run again, he thought while sneeking out of the ward.

Where could he go? he thought while getting out of the hospital as quick as he could.

God. He probably was going to have to take Mr. Wren on vacation again.

The End


End file.
